I remember being wheeled out of the hospital in a wheel chair thinking ‘Are they really just going to let me take her home?’ She was so fragile and precious – but how did the Hospital staff know if I was fit to take care of an infant on my own? What if I wasn’t a good person? This sweet, innocent soul was leaving and going to be introduced in to an even bigger world – one beyond hospital walls and I was the only one protecting over her.
Your whole life you learn how to be self sufficient – but then you’re thrown a curveball and now have an additional human (or even twins) to be responsible for. You leave that hospital with a baby and have a new job. I nannied for 10 years – families ranging from 1 kiddo, to some families having up to four kids but I can tell you that not even that prepared me for actual Motherhood.
You aways hear people say that kids ‘grow up so fast’ but you don’t really comprehend that statement until you actually have a child of your own.
The first six months of Motherhood have honestly been a blur. I never realized how much time or sleep I actually got before I became a Mom. Sleepless nights, continuous feedings, endless routines of diapers, laundry, and washing bottles. Life is so much more than a tired ‘blur’ – it’s a routine that you repeat so frequently that you don’t know what day it is anymore. But the joyous moments are worth the exhaustion.
Aj’s finally at a point now where she is so incredibly happy when she wakes up and just stares at you and smiles. The morning snuggles are the absolute highlight of my day. To her the world is just so big, bright and beautiful. Everyday she is learning something new & continues to amaze us. Although I am incredibly grateful of how beautiful life is now – not everyday has been so bright. . .
Many of you don’t know but after we were discharged from the hospital after Aj was born I got incredibly sick. I had a rough pregnancy with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, also known as HG (you can read about that here). My labor & delivery were fairly easy- I was induced & had her in 22hrs but after we got sent home things got bad again. Luckily Aj was happy, healthy, and eating well but I was not so happy & healthy.
During the delivery I actually wasn’t able to deliver my placenta naturally, so my doctor had to do a manual extraction. While I was in recovery I was passing clots which was ‘normal’ but I had a few baseball sized clots that were a concern, but I felt fine otherwise so we were discharged two days later (on a Friday afternoon).
By late Saturday night / early Sunday morning I was a mess. I was passing softball sized clots, had a fever of 103F consistently and was exhausted. I had Joshua bring me to the emergency room and I was admitted to the cardiac floor because my heartbeat was irregular. After hours of tests, the doctors came to the conclusion that my uterus wasn’t healing properly and it was actually still bleeding from delivery. I was originally told that I was going to have to have an emergency surgery to repair the wall of my uterus . . . When my lab results came back the doctor realized that not only did I have a bladder infection, but I actually had a uterine infection as well. I was put on multiple rounds of antibiotics and was in the hospital for three days. The guilt I felt for not being ‘normal’ was horrendous. My doctor told me that less than 1% of women contract a uterine infection after giving birth.
Not only did I feel like crap physically, but emotionally I was struggling. I felt like a terrible Mom because I wasn’t with Aj the first couple of days of her being home. I couldn’t go to her first doctors appointment since I was still in the hospital . . . I am incredibly grateful that my parents had flew out to be with us so Joshua had some help at home while I was admitted but it took me a while to get over the fact that I wasn’t there for Aj.
The first month is hard- especially when your significant other goes back to work. Aj was born December 11th & Joshua went back to work on January 6th. We had almost a solid three weeks together to settle into a routine – but I’ll let you in on a little secret: Newborns do not have a schedule. The first four months were/are really tough.
Once I got to the three / four month mark is when I actually started to enjoy Motherhood. Aj started to develop a personality, she started recognizing voices & our faces. You could tell that she had a preference of certain sounds and activities. The first time I heard her giggle is a moment that I will never forget – I cried. I cried so many happy tears because I could tell that she was enjoying a moment with me – it wasn’t just be enjoying her anymore.
Although I am continuously exhausted, I would not trade any moment I have had these last six months for the world. Aj has been such a blessing to our family & has brought Joshua & I even closer. I’m learning that I can’t be there for every single ‘first’ moment that she has and that it is okay if I focus on my well being at some points during the day too. I’ve also come to the realization that life is going by a lot more quickly too . . . I’m trying to remember to document each ‘season’ of life but that is obviously easier said than done. If you have any tips about how you preserve family memories I would love to hear them!
Here’s a sneak peak of some family photos that we got done last week.
Disclaimer: Blog post may contain affiliate links or codes.